Parenting Doctors Podcast: What We Were Never Taught

Pivotal Moment Involvement

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We have seen the devastating effects of parental uninvolvement.  And, we have seen the research and media identify the concerns regarding over-involvement (i.e. snow plow parenting, helicopter parenting).  What about Pivotal Moment Involvement?  Common sense parenting tells us that Pivotal Moment Involvement (PMI) is critical in child development.  This podcast emphasizing the value of pivotal moment involvement in parenting.  These are those important moments in the life of your child.  The idea "you won't get that moment back" is true. Listen to today's podcast and be reminded, encouraged, and stimulated with five simple reminders on how to approach pivotal moment involvement.  

Does Parenting Decrease Happiness?

Does parenting decrease happiness?  Parenting is the epitome of inconveniences.  With regards to happiness, the pleasant life does suggest that happiness goes down.  But, the good life and the meaningful life cause happiness to go up.   Engaged parents, as opposed to disengaged parents, can do specific things to increase engagement, meaning, and subsequently happiness.  

Interpersonal Joining

Parents can do a lot to not embarrass their child or leave them out there alone for uncomfortable moments.  "Can we have another milk.  Lisa spilled it."  Instead.... Say, "Could we please have another milk, we spilled it." (Or, "I spilled it.").  

This podcast emphasizes some of the keys to joining with your child.

The Problem Of Overemphasizing Personality Traits

To emphasize personality functioning minimizes the power of love in parenting.  

There is a misperception in parenting – you are smart if you can describe your kid’s personality really well.   

Shaping, reinforcing, instructing, teaching, guiding, instilling, strength-building are all more important jobs as parents than coming up with descriptions of your child’s personality.  

Conflict Resolution Part 2: Sibling Conflict Is Good!

In Part 1, I suggested two belief changes for all parents:

- Conflict is positive, not a negative in family life.

- Promoting conflict as a healthy pillar in childhood development, maturity, and education.  

- I suggested 3 phases of sibling conflict: problem identification, solution exploration, and solution focused agreement.

In Part 2, identifying emotions, summarizing the other person's (sibling's) position, and using "I" language instead of "You" language.  

Sibling Conflict Is Good!

Conflict is Good

Since the beginning of time, siblings have fought.  Everybody in my generation who had siblings understands sibling rivalry and arguing. 

Arguing is a part of life. 

I’ve taken some time to look at sibling conflict from a different parenting angle.

I see conflict as good and I encourage arguing.   

Not Letting Anything Go!

The Topic of Spanking & 5 Ways to Make Sure Discipline Lasts

 

1. Reward desired behavior- reward behavior in the direction of the desired behavior.

2. Praise effort more than results.

3. Count to 10, breath, take a step back – be like an eagle taking a broad perspective, not a snake that strikes out.

4. Identify clearly want you want the child to do with clear expectations.  Communicate everything, assume nothing….

5. Take time to discuss how all actions have consequences; my favorite intervention for poor behavior is behavioral rehearsals – asking children to re-do their response or behavior.  

The Antidote To Fickle Behavior Is Consistency

Dealing with kids and their fickle friendships can range from an inconvenience to a nightmare. 

 

Kids have rocky relationships and up and down behavior and nagivating this terrain can be rough.  

One client said to me, “My daughter is having a birthday party in a week.  Recently, a girl in her class told her that she couldn't’ wait to attend her birthday party.  The next day, she ignored my daughter for no identified reason. “

Parenting Basically Comes Down to Two Things: Affection & Instruction